On libraries, new beginnings, and eating alone

I have been trying to write about February. I wanted to tell you about this month that loomed so monumental in my mind while being in all other respects so minimal. February is a short month, an odd month, forced to change every now and then from 28 days to 29. It is the most abysmal month of winter in many places (I include Korea in that list) and the most difficult month to spell. Yet it is also the month of the Sochi Olympics, the month of Valentines day. February was the month of my middle school's graduation ceremony and the last month of our ample winter vacation. For me, this month had another meaning; for me this was the month to make it or break it.

I had a choice between living in Gumi with my host family for the month of February or living in Seoul, as many of my friends were doing. I chose, for a variety of reasons, to stay in Gumi and spend my time studying for the GRE and building relationships in my placement city. It was a difficult decision, no less because staying in Gumi meant self-managing my time, whereas in Seoul I would most likely have taken language classes. By staying in Gumi I wanted to test myself, to see how well I could sustain an energetic and productive life entirely on my own schedule.

Now, in early March I can say I did enjoy that time. I loved it. I had the freedom to study hard and the freedom to sleep. I had the time to visit friends and the time to read. I had the time to make new friends, to make new habits. Of course, not everything happens simply because you have enough time. Coming back to Korea from my visit to the States and my vacation in Taipei and Hanoi left me in the right mind to make the most of my time.

However, this time was not always pleasant. In the midst of my school's graduation, as I watched a performance of Apink's "No No No" and waved balloons for my favorite 3rd graders, my co-teacher leaned over and told me that 25 of our students were not at graduation. They had been banned for participating in the beating of several 2nd grade students just two days earlier. The news was both sad and shocking. Our school has always been rough around the edges, but I never expected something so intentionally brutal. At the same time I know that school gangs are a nation-wide problem in Korea and that for many students the choice might be between participating and suffering from bullying themselves. Over the next few days I discovered that, of the 2nd grade students, one had broken his collar bone, one had a ruptured ear drum and another had to have all his teeth moved back into place. In many ways, I became more anxious to return to school.

Saying goodbye to my other 3rd graders was sad in a very different way. I have about 245 students in the 3rd grade alone, so it's difficult to get to know any of them very well. I know I taught them only one semester and that only about 16 lessons. Of the few students who really shone and made my lessons exciting to teach, I had little belief that they would wish me a tearful goodbye and ask to stay in touch forever. Yet many students came over for a quick hug or a handshake. I was so touched that they wanted to say goodbye, especially those who told me they missed my class in the last few months.

Shortly after graduation I travelled to Seoul to visit my friends. I went twice in February. Once when I couldn't bear to study any longer and again as soon as I finished the GRE. Having a place to stay in Seoul was wonderful (thank you friends!) and as my friends were all taking classes or doing internships during the day I had a lot of time to do the touristy things in Seoul that I hadn't had time for on other weekend trips. I went twice to the National Museum of Korea, whose smoky paintings captured a facet of Korean life new to me. The museum is truly spectacular with three stories of art and artifacts from prehistory to the modern era and entirely free. In my two visits I have only conquered two of the three floors, but I was able to see the evolution of Korean calligraphy, Korean paintings — from portraits, to landscapes, to insect studies —, a re-created 'sarangbang' or Korean scholar's study and artifacts from every kingdom of Korea up to the Japanese occupation. I highly recommend a visit to anyone who will be in Seoul.

Beyond museums I spent time in cafes from the college areas of Hongdae and Idae to the tourist-turned-artistic-area of Insadong. Around Insadong I also visited the Hanok village, an area of Seoul where traditional Korean houses (circa. the Joseon Era I believe) have been preserved and are still lived in. It happened to be warm and sunny on this day, and the streets — which ask tourists to be quiet in respect for the residents — were full of screaming school children. Later I met some old friends for dinner in Myeongdong, a popular shopping neighborhood, and visited the new Seoul Museum of Modern Art, which was having a free night. Although it's not the same as living in the city, I was able to do a lot on my visits, so I now feel very comfortable in Seoul and have crossed a lot of items off my bucket list.

In Gumi school has started again. Some things are new, some are not, but the greatest change is in my confidence as a teacher. It has only been a week, but I feel that I have stepped up my game on all levels of teaching, from lesson planning to execution to classroom management to connecting with students outside of class. It has only been a week, but I have really good feelings for this semester. I again have about 700 students — 7 classes of 3rd graders, 7 classes of 2nd graders and 6 classes of 1st graders. My returning students have been surprisingly polite in class. Not sure if this is due to our continued rapport, my new classroom management plan, or some strain of first week shyness. The new 1st graders are a joy to teach. They are so eager to participate and several of the classes I've seen so far seem to be quite high level. I also have a new co-teacher for my 1st grade students who I like very much. She is both kind and efficient. I'm excited about what we can do with our classes for the rest of the semester.

I've made a few lifestyle changes for the new semester as well. I joined a gym halfway through February and have been going everyday when I can. I'm really enjoying the classes there. After a yoga class I always find my mood and motivation lifted. I've also decided to stop volunteering at the Hana Center in Daegu. This was a difficult decision to make since I really enjoyed working with my mentee and the community feeling of the center. However, commuting to Daegu once a week while working a full teaching schedule was a strain on my time and my relationships with my host family. This semester I am adding a club class to my teaching schedule, bringing my teaching hours up to 22 a week. With the added prep time and knowing my difficulty in commuting last semester I just couldn't commit to doing the program again in the spring. It would be unfair on everyone else involved for me to commit when I was unsure I could fully participate. If I stay in Korea another year, without the obligations of a host family, it is something I hope I would be able to return to.

However, whether I will be in Korea past this July is still undecided and as such I am suddenly pressed upon by the many things I have yet to do here. It's for this reason that I want to keep my weekends this semester free. If last semester I was committed to getting my bearings in Gumi, this semester I hope to roam more. I had an epiphany of sorts this February while visiting Seoul. As I said, I had a lot of alone time there as well as a lot of time in the evenings talking to my friends. But it was while I was sitting, eating alone in the restaurant of the National Museum of Korea, looking forward to drinking wine with my friends later in the evening when we were all done with our work, that I realized this is what I want to do with the rest of my semester. If during the week I am 100% committed to my school, during the weekends I want to commit myself 100% to teaching myself. I had such a feeling of comfort in my solitariness then — full of the pleasure of intellectual pursuit and the sure knowledge of my kind friends waiting for me later. We're always a bit alone in Korea, even and despite the ever present circles of host family, school family and Fulbright family. Yet there are some moments of clarity when you can turn that aloneness into something new — freedom, comfort, a new discovery. Those are the moments I will cultivate this semester and those are the lessons I want to learn.

LIFE IN GUMI: OH SO SLOWLY

This last week or so has been relatively uneventful — a lovely dose of home life for me. So what have I been up to? Mostly planning my lessons. Post-midterms I resolved to get my classes in line, both in terms of discipline and content. For me that means planning my lessons further in advance and planning those lessons in step with the other English teachers. This makes it easier for me to gauge what vocabulary to use and what needs to be covered. On the other hand, this method constricts me to two or three lessons per section which will take some getting used to. Right now my first graders are learning about advice, my second graders are learning about environments and my third graders are learning about congratulations. Things are, in fact, going quite well right now — something I’m glad I can finally say about teaching.

Not that it has been so bad, but that finally I think I’m doing a pretty good job (or at least a more consistent job). Of course this has only been for about a week and I know there will still be many ups and downs to some in this first year of teaching, but still I am pleased. Especially as there was a point not long ago when I was despairing over ever disciplining my classes effectively. However, in the last week I’ve made an effort to change my ways and it has been both easier and more pleasant than I imagined. I think I felt as many young teachers must — I didn’t want to be too harsh, to appear mean ... I thought I might feel bad for disciplining students. In actuality I don’t feel bad for keeping order in my classroom — I feel empowered and I think my students do too. A classroom with order and structure (in whatever form) is a comfortable classroom and one where learning can take the fore.

Besides school I’ve been, well, living. I finished another chapter of my Korean textbook and am almost done with another. A new coffeeshop, Gusto, opened in our neighborhood (did I mention the darth of cafes was my only complaint about the area?) and I’ve been several times. Once I went with my host family to celebrate my first paycheck. They asked me if in America we have the “first paycheck ceremony.” They explained “For your first paycheck you  - to your parents,” “give?” “Yes, you give your parents...what is the word?” Then after some family discussion, “You give your parents underwear.”

I asked my parents if they want me to mail them some delicates, but they declined.

Last week I also watched my first Korean film (shocking, I know). 완득이 (Wan Deuki, English title: Punch) follows the relationship of high school 2nd grader Wan Deuk and his meddlesome homeroom teacher with the nickname Dung Zoo. Funny at times, touching at others and occasionally both at once, Wan Deuki was just what I hoped it might be. The film develops a full cast of quirky characters all of whom have some part to play before the end. However, what I really love is that the film's resolution delicately brings the film to a close without miraculously curing all of Wan Deuk’s ills. I would so like to say more, but would rather encourage you to watch the film yourself and, if you do, to let me know what you think in a comment (the film is on Netflix under the name Punch).

Otherwise, I’ve been playing with my host cousins, keeping up with the dramas and sleeping copious amounts. It’s still very pleasant here is Gumi, though cool — dare I say, cold — at night.  Enough that we’ve already had the floor heating on a few times — just once was enough for me to know that it’s the best thing in the world.  I also had my first meeting with my NKD mentee (North Korean Defector). With the help of a translator we planned what day we want to meet and  what we want to cover at our meetings. From now on we will meet once a week to study English, and a little Korean, together. My mentee is a girl, only a little older than I am. After our meeting we went to drink juice and eat toast. We found out we both like the Batman movies, hiking and Korean noodles which is, I think, a lot to start from.

Playing Uno with the host cousins. I showed them the game during Chuseok. Now when they come over they ask right away, "우노 해요?" (Play Uno?)

MILESTONES: ONE MONTH IN GUMI

I just read a blog post by my good friend Anna who is now studying yoga in Mysore, India. We both studied English Lit at Hendrix, but we also both needed a second major to round out our interests. Anna is an amazing writer and I would encourage anyone interested in India or travel in general to read her blog, balancing the world. Her meditations on life in Mysore capture the sounds and smells of that specific place, but also the general feeling of traveling. Living in a foreign country one can feel frustrated or lost — always on the cusp of inclusion but never included, always listening but lacking understanding. I've heard other Fulbrighters mention this feeling as well, a kind of malaise of communication. I myself have been lucky in that my family and the teachers at my school speak English admirably well.

This last week and a half I have felt more included than ever before: I visited my co-teacher's home and played with her 3 adorable children, brought home Baskin Robins and ate it with my host family to celebrate my first month in Gumi, met up with a Fulbright friend for coffee and gossip, and attended orientation for mentoring a North Korean Defector. It's been a very busy time as my relationships here begin to blossom.

My co-teacher's daughter and harmonica.

The first time I met my co-teacher she told me "Not all days will be good, but every day I will be with you." At the time it was highly reassuring and now, a month later, I know that she meant it. We share an office together at school, taking coffee breaks between our classes. We've also been taking walks behind the school when we find the time, but going to meet her family was a new step. My co-teacher has a daughter who is ten in Korean age (8 in American age) and two twin girls who are 2 in Korean age (20 months in American age). Since my co-teacher and her husband both work her mother stays with them during the week to take care of the twins. The twins talk to each other in a secret whistling language no one else can understand. One twin is a little stronger and more confident. She tries to take my earrings. The other twin is a little smaller, a little warier. She cries when her grandma is far away. Yet she's also musical, always burbling in her strange language and tapping her feet. Their older sister is in elementary school but seems older, acquiring some maturity from caring for her sisters. She loves swimming and riding her bike. I stayed overnight and hope to go back again soon.

Afogato: vanilla ice cream, rolled in almond slivers, smothered in an espresso shot.

Last weekend marked an important date — the anniversary of my first month in Gumi. I had hoped to get out a bit and hike Geumo Mountain. However, it stormed most of the weekend ruining my outdoors plans. Instead, on Saturday I took a train to the nearby Gyeongsan to visit my friend Sophia. I ended up meeting her host family then going out for coffee/desserts. We meant to do work while drinking coffee (in fact I meant to catch up on blogging) but instead we talked the whole time filling each other in on our own situation in Korea and those of our friends. It left me refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of the week before Chuseok.

Sunday I ventured into Daegu for the North Korean Defector volunteer orientation. A North Korean Defector is (according to the South Korean Government) someone who has left North Korea, but still has some tie there such as an occupation, a home, a family and does not have any other citizenship. According to South Korea's Ministry of Unification, since 2008 almost 3,000 people defected to South Korea each year, the majority of them women. This number has fallen to almost half in 2012 most likely due to the death of Kim Jong-il resulting in stricter border control (to be clear, this is secondhand information from my orientation coordinator at the Hana Center).

Since arriving in Korea I have attended several talks about North Korean defectors (during and after Fulbright orientation). What motivated me to volunteer, though there are so many reasons to do so, was that on top of all the practical difficulties of arriving in South Korea from the North, these people often face exploitation along the way. There are several routes to get to the South, but the most commonly used route is by foot and bus through China, then a combination of Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia into Thailand. Once in Thailand the defector goes to the South Korean Embassy and announces that she is a North Korean defector. Then she is kept in custody of the Embassy until paperwork is finished at which point she is sent on a plane to South Korea. In South Korea she is immediately picked up by South Korean intelligence officials and thoroughly interviewed — both to gain information and to ascertain that she is not a spy.

However, for many women this path ends, or takes a long detour, in Northern China where many women become subject to sex trafficking or forced marriages due to the imbalance of the sexes in this area. This also means many women arriving in South Korea arrive with half-Chinese children whose status' are particularly difficult to ascertain.

Our role as volunteers will be to act as mentor and English tutor for the defectors now living in Daegu. Each teacher will be assigned a mentee to meet with once a week for English lessons. However, on top of these English lessons we are encouraged to meet outside of 'class' time and have fun as a way of promoting cultural exchange. There will also be a fun group event each month that we are strongly encouraged to attend. Though it will be difficult for me to meet too often due to the commute time to Daegu I still hope I will have the opportunity to get to know my mentee and make her feel a bit more comfortable in her new home.

On my way home, feeling pleased with myself for successfully taking the train to Daegu, I picked up a pint of Baskin Robins for the family. (Baskin Robins is wildly popular here.) Seeing their happily surprised faces was great, but eating mint chip and quarterback crunch together was even better.