On libraries, new beginnings, and eating alone

I have been trying to write about February. I wanted to tell you about this month that loomed so monumental in my mind while being in all other respects so minimal. February is a short month, an odd month, forced to change every now and then from 28 days to 29. It is the most abysmal month of winter in many places (I include Korea in that list) and the most difficult month to spell. Yet it is also the month of the Sochi Olympics, the month of Valentines day. February was the month of my middle school's graduation ceremony and the last month of our ample winter vacation. For me, this month had another meaning; for me this was the month to make it or break it.

I had a choice between living in Gumi with my host family for the month of February or living in Seoul, as many of my friends were doing. I chose, for a variety of reasons, to stay in Gumi and spend my time studying for the GRE and building relationships in my placement city. It was a difficult decision, no less because staying in Gumi meant self-managing my time, whereas in Seoul I would most likely have taken language classes. By staying in Gumi I wanted to test myself, to see how well I could sustain an energetic and productive life entirely on my own schedule.

Now, in early March I can say I did enjoy that time. I loved it. I had the freedom to study hard and the freedom to sleep. I had the time to visit friends and the time to read. I had the time to make new friends, to make new habits. Of course, not everything happens simply because you have enough time. Coming back to Korea from my visit to the States and my vacation in Taipei and Hanoi left me in the right mind to make the most of my time.

However, this time was not always pleasant. In the midst of my school's graduation, as I watched a performance of Apink's "No No No" and waved balloons for my favorite 3rd graders, my co-teacher leaned over and told me that 25 of our students were not at graduation. They had been banned for participating in the beating of several 2nd grade students just two days earlier. The news was both sad and shocking. Our school has always been rough around the edges, but I never expected something so intentionally brutal. At the same time I know that school gangs are a nation-wide problem in Korea and that for many students the choice might be between participating and suffering from bullying themselves. Over the next few days I discovered that, of the 2nd grade students, one had broken his collar bone, one had a ruptured ear drum and another had to have all his teeth moved back into place. In many ways, I became more anxious to return to school.

Saying goodbye to my other 3rd graders was sad in a very different way. I have about 245 students in the 3rd grade alone, so it's difficult to get to know any of them very well. I know I taught them only one semester and that only about 16 lessons. Of the few students who really shone and made my lessons exciting to teach, I had little belief that they would wish me a tearful goodbye and ask to stay in touch forever. Yet many students came over for a quick hug or a handshake. I was so touched that they wanted to say goodbye, especially those who told me they missed my class in the last few months.

Shortly after graduation I travelled to Seoul to visit my friends. I went twice in February. Once when I couldn't bear to study any longer and again as soon as I finished the GRE. Having a place to stay in Seoul was wonderful (thank you friends!) and as my friends were all taking classes or doing internships during the day I had a lot of time to do the touristy things in Seoul that I hadn't had time for on other weekend trips. I went twice to the National Museum of Korea, whose smoky paintings captured a facet of Korean life new to me. The museum is truly spectacular with three stories of art and artifacts from prehistory to the modern era and entirely free. In my two visits I have only conquered two of the three floors, but I was able to see the evolution of Korean calligraphy, Korean paintings — from portraits, to landscapes, to insect studies —, a re-created 'sarangbang' or Korean scholar's study and artifacts from every kingdom of Korea up to the Japanese occupation. I highly recommend a visit to anyone who will be in Seoul.

Beyond museums I spent time in cafes from the college areas of Hongdae and Idae to the tourist-turned-artistic-area of Insadong. Around Insadong I also visited the Hanok village, an area of Seoul where traditional Korean houses (circa. the Joseon Era I believe) have been preserved and are still lived in. It happened to be warm and sunny on this day, and the streets — which ask tourists to be quiet in respect for the residents — were full of screaming school children. Later I met some old friends for dinner in Myeongdong, a popular shopping neighborhood, and visited the new Seoul Museum of Modern Art, which was having a free night. Although it's not the same as living in the city, I was able to do a lot on my visits, so I now feel very comfortable in Seoul and have crossed a lot of items off my bucket list.

In Gumi school has started again. Some things are new, some are not, but the greatest change is in my confidence as a teacher. It has only been a week, but I feel that I have stepped up my game on all levels of teaching, from lesson planning to execution to classroom management to connecting with students outside of class. It has only been a week, but I have really good feelings for this semester. I again have about 700 students — 7 classes of 3rd graders, 7 classes of 2nd graders and 6 classes of 1st graders. My returning students have been surprisingly polite in class. Not sure if this is due to our continued rapport, my new classroom management plan, or some strain of first week shyness. The new 1st graders are a joy to teach. They are so eager to participate and several of the classes I've seen so far seem to be quite high level. I also have a new co-teacher for my 1st grade students who I like very much. She is both kind and efficient. I'm excited about what we can do with our classes for the rest of the semester.

I've made a few lifestyle changes for the new semester as well. I joined a gym halfway through February and have been going everyday when I can. I'm really enjoying the classes there. After a yoga class I always find my mood and motivation lifted. I've also decided to stop volunteering at the Hana Center in Daegu. This was a difficult decision to make since I really enjoyed working with my mentee and the community feeling of the center. However, commuting to Daegu once a week while working a full teaching schedule was a strain on my time and my relationships with my host family. This semester I am adding a club class to my teaching schedule, bringing my teaching hours up to 22 a week. With the added prep time and knowing my difficulty in commuting last semester I just couldn't commit to doing the program again in the spring. It would be unfair on everyone else involved for me to commit when I was unsure I could fully participate. If I stay in Korea another year, without the obligations of a host family, it is something I hope I would be able to return to.

However, whether I will be in Korea past this July is still undecided and as such I am suddenly pressed upon by the many things I have yet to do here. It's for this reason that I want to keep my weekends this semester free. If last semester I was committed to getting my bearings in Gumi, this semester I hope to roam more. I had an epiphany of sorts this February while visiting Seoul. As I said, I had a lot of alone time there as well as a lot of time in the evenings talking to my friends. But it was while I was sitting, eating alone in the restaurant of the National Museum of Korea, looking forward to drinking wine with my friends later in the evening when we were all done with our work, that I realized this is what I want to do with the rest of my semester. If during the week I am 100% committed to my school, during the weekends I want to commit myself 100% to teaching myself. I had such a feeling of comfort in my solitariness then — full of the pleasure of intellectual pursuit and the sure knowledge of my kind friends waiting for me later. We're always a bit alone in Korea, even and despite the ever present circles of host family, school family and Fulbright family. Yet there are some moments of clarity when you can turn that aloneness into something new — freedom, comfort, a new discovery. Those are the moments I will cultivate this semester and those are the lessons I want to learn.

OCTOBER, THE END

October has been a hectic month for me and I am not sorry to see it go. Beginning with the Jinju Lantern Festival I have traveled almost every week in October (if you count trips to Daegu, which I am starting to). I had my first and second NKD meetings, the Fulbright Fall Conference in Gyeongju and our school festival, which threw an entire week into uproar. I bicycled past traditional houses in Gyeongju and sang in Korean in front of over 700 middle school students. This month I have made some of the memories that I will cherish long after I have left Korea. But now I am tired.

Life moves at different paces and, personally, I enjoy a nice brisk trot. Lately though, life has been galloping and I need it to slow down. Early in September when I had just arrived in Gumi I had so much time on my hands that I piled my to-do list higher and higher. The result being a nice fat cold when alls said and done. I might sound sad — I am sad — but it is a sadness of letting go. The fact is I love everything I am doing here in Korea. I love teaching, traveling, studying Korean, blogging, volunteering and building friendships, new and old, but in doing everything I love I am losing me a little bit. Without time to reflect it's all action, action, action. My body is moving, but my self feels more and more lost. I need to cut back. I was so excited about this chance to grow, about all this opportunity, that my tree is now in dire need of pruning. And of all my pursuits the easiest to clip is traveling.

I didn't travel to Korea for excitement, for new sights and smells. I traveled to Korea for people and for kitchen tables — for the student yelling Beyonce lyrics in the hallway and the bus that is always late. I would rather miss a thousand glorious Buddhist temples, than miss the moment when my host cousin held my hand as we walked to the market. So many hours of perhaps 'unproductive' time led up to that moment, yet they made possible this unexpected treasure.

I could say, oh, there will be time later for everything. If I don't travel now, I will have time in the spring or next year. In some ways I really believe this is true. The time for travel will become possible. However, I also want to know that if there was never more time, if I left Korea today or tomorrow, I could say I spent my energy on the people I met, rather than the places I went.

All that being said, I still have some commitments to fulfill. This weekend I am traveling to Gwangju to teach a class for the Korean Bridge Initiative, a nonprofit providing English language classes to motivated students who can't afford hagwons. Although I somewhat dread traveling once more I am excited for the chance to teach such motivated high school students. Since they are higher level and more mature I can follow my passions and do a creative lesson on scanning poetry (something I could never do with my middle schoolers).

After Saturday I look forward to some quality time in Gumi for the rest of the semester. And, despite my moaning and groaning, look forward to uploading photos of Gyeongju and some adorable video of my school festival soon!

GUMI (구미) — TURTLE TAIL CITY

Tuesday I found out that I am going to spend the next year of my life in Gumi, Gyeongsangbuk-do, South Korea. Gumi is a suburban town of about 300,000 people and is known as Korea's industrial center, the home of both Samsung and LG. Happily for me, Gumi is only a 30 minute bus ride from Daegu (the 4th largest city in Korea) where one of my friends, Sophia, was placed.

Being in Gumi means I have all the community of a smaller town, but with all the opportunity of a large city. One of my main requests for placement was the ability to travel and Gumi is connected to all the rest of Korea through the rail and express bus system. I can be in Seoul in 3 hours and Gwangju in 3 and a half. I was excited to find out Gumi is also the home of Samsungwon orphanage, birthplace of Kkoom, a nonprofit dedicated to improving the lives of Korean orphans through outreach and education. I want to use this opportunity to bring service into my life in Korea in a big way.

In Gumi I'm going to teach at a public, co-ed middle school of about 700 students. Until I am actually at the school I won't know more about the actual number of students I'm teaching or my teaching schedule. However, I'm already envisioning the many art projects and activities I want to work into my lessons. I also won't know whether I'm teaching from a textbook and what my homestay family is like until I actually arrive in Gumi.

In my year I hope to develop my independence through writing and traveling. I hope to develop my humility, my generosity, my perseverance through working with my students and volunteering. But I also hope to be watchful for the unexpected moments and events which can be more transformational than anything I myself could plan. So I am excited to discover what Gumi has in store for me.

As I write this I am, of course, sitting in a cafe eating a delicious 컵빙수 (batbingsu in a cup). This one is ice, rice cake (yum!), red beans, pinneaple, peach, and condensed milk — delicious. We just got our stipend for the next week so I can afford to escape Jungwon again. Not that the building is so horrible, but with 4 hours of Korean class each morning and lesson planning to look forward to all afternoon a change of scenery is not just welcome, but necessary. I've tried a couple of the cafes in Goesan now and I admire this one for its large windows and acoustic 90s music.

Today I have a special mission. Besides catching up on my blogging I need to memorize a speech for Korean class. This speech is 20% of our grade based on fluency and intonation. I've been doing pretty well with accuracy, but speaking on the spot is not my strong suit. Just glad this is memorization and not improvisation. Wish me luck!

AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH

A week ago at 8am I stood on top of a mountain and shouted in my head "We lived on the medieval coast/ south of warrior kingdoms / in the ancient day of the winds / as they blew all things before them." The mountains spreading before me fulfilled every image of Asia I have dreamed or hoped to dream whether reading poetry or watching the films of studio Ghibli.


During orientation we've talked a lot about our goals for the upcoming year. What do we want to take away from our time in Korea? Where do we want to spend our energy? And one of the phrases that keeps coming up is personal growth. Yes, we're here to teach, but we're more than teachers. We're also people and we're here to live and to see how far life can take us.

Last Thursday when we saw the mountain we were planning to climb I never thought we would make it to the top. But then we made the halfway mark and I thought, I can do this, and suddenly we were there. There are so many ways to grow, but maybe nothing is more tangible than stretching your muscles and finding your way closer to the clouds. No wonder temples are so often built at the top of mountains, literally above the rollick and tumble of everyday life.

Personal growth has been on my mind a lot in the last few days as we filled out our placement request forms. These forms don't guarantee we'll be placed where we want — placement is complicated — but our preferences do carry some weight. So I had to consider, how do I want to grow? and where will I be able to grow the most? I found three main desires. First, for my students, I want to have time to get to know them outside the classroom as well as in the classroom. I want to have the freedom to teach club classes and camps. Second, for Korea, I want to become in some small way a part of this culture, by exploring the land, by continuing to study the language and hopefully, by taking up the study of Korean folk dance. Third, for myself, I want to develop discipline by writing, and stretch my comfort zone by traveling and meeting new people.

With those goals in mind I filled out my placement form. Environment preference: mountainous.